Choosing to embrace 2020

Happy New Year!

Isn’t that what you expect me to say on this first day of a new decade?

Honestly, I’m glad to see 2019 end. It was a year of much loss, great disappointment, and tremendous uncertainty. I wish I could tell you that with the turning of the calendar page—the stroke of midnight—the proverbial slate truly did become clean, and today brought 20-20 clarity and no residual effects of a rough few months.

But it didn’t.

Today there are still things that weigh heavy on my mind and heart. Still disappointments, questions, and lack of clarity. Still occasional feelings of “it wasn’t supposed to be this way.”

Ever felt like that?

I’ve lived long enough to know that today’s sunrise wouldn’t miraculously change reality, so I’ve spent the past few weeks intentionally choosing to remind myself that I don’t have to understand the past (or present), and I don’t really want to know the future. I couldn’t handle it.

I’ve tried to be open to God’s presence and “still small voice” even while admitting to him my displeasure about some of the things he’s allowing. I want to be immune from them. I want my family and friends to be immune from them. Apparently, at my core, I want to believe I should warrant something other than the hand I’ve been dealt.

Really? Yikes!

As my Renaissance Man patiently responded to my tearful rantings, even Jesus’ own disciples didn’t warrant special treatment. It’s believed only one disciple died of natural causes; the rest met violent deaths on account of their faith. Geez, some days it’s hard being married to an ordained minister with a Ph.D. in theology! 

But seriously, who am I to think there’s a point at which I “arrive” and am exempt?

For heaven’s sake . . .

So while choosing (and choosing again!) to trust that God knows what he’s doing, and that he truly has my best in mind, these words have come across my path. Perhaps you need them, too . . .

If God maintains sun and planets in bright and ordered beauty, he can keep us.

F. B. Meyer (1847-1929)

And now we come to the lesson my father’s father told me. I hope you are all listening, for this is a lesson to carry with you all your life long. God demands our allegiance above all things. We are to remain steadfast with him, even when things are the hardest, even when we are weakest, even when we are angry, even when we are afraid. These are all forces from beyond the boundaries of Eden. They exist, yes, and they test us. But we can carry the holy garden with us wherever we go, so long as our hearts remain true to God.”

The character of Philip in Rare Earth by Davis Bunn

Disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. Sometimes it’s His way of leading us Home.

It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way:  Finding unexpected strength when

disappointments leave you shattered by Lysa Terkeurst

I am making everything new!

Revelation 21:5

In this sin-filled space where I live between the perfection of God’s creation in the Garden of Eden and the someday-restored Eden, circumstances will disappoint. People will disappoint. And in 2019, I said God disappoints.

But in this first day of a new decade, with 20-20 clarity, I am claiming my own finite understanding—and God’s faithfulness throughout my life. I am choosing to accept what I can’t change, to allow myself to be pliable and pruned as necessary so that by this time next year I will be a stronger, healthier, more beautiful witness to God’s faithfulness.

For heaven’s sake . . .

What about you? Were you ready to put the last decade behind you? Are you entering this new one with excitement . . . uncertainty . . . resolve? Whatever the year ahead brings, I hope we’re both better versions of ourselves this time next year! Let’s work on it together — deal?

Related posts:

Old house reveals another secret Flowers on the Compost Pile… #RiskRejection: LOVE holds the key The Christian Woman I Will Never Be Again. What I Was Doing Wrong.